Masking poor communication

Masking Poor Communication of the English of the Concerned June 25, Masking Poor Communication Though the present day children, teenagers and adolescents do have a gut feeling that they gel more with their friends, as compared to their parents, the good thing is that now ample research findings are testifying to the fact that an individual is more likely to resort to poor communication with one’s loved ones as compared to one’s communication with those outside one’s family (US News, 2011).
The US News article Close Relationships Sometimes Mask Poor Communication talks about ‘ closeness-communication biases’. I do believe that in close relationships, a sense of complacence creeps in over time. Perhaps this is because we tend to take the allegiance of our family members for granted.
Over time, we start navigating through our communication approaches, believing that those who are close to us will never leave us and our bond with them is too strong to withstand any misunderstanding or miscommunication. It is only when our kids turn rebellious and problematic, or our spouses file a divorce petition that we begin to realize that irrespective of strong family bonds, relationships need to be constantly worked on.
I do remember one such instance in my life when I failed to communicate properly with a loved one. My 14 year old sister Victoria was chronically obese. The doctors had diagnosed that unless she engages in some fitness activity, she could develop serious health problems.
Being a fitness conscious person, I decided to help Victoria. I woke up Victoria at 5 in the morning and she gladly changed into her track suit and sport shoes to go for a walk with me. I told Victoria that we will have a half an hour brisk walk followed by some exercises. However, after a couple of minutes I notice that Victoria was lagging behind me by at least 300 meters. Moved by my concern for her, I simply yelled at her, believing that this will encourage her. However, to my dismay, Victoria broke into tears and ran back home, leaving me alone.
Standing there I mulled over this problem. It was then that I realized that I simply failed to understand the fact that being an overweight and sedentary person, engaging in brisk fitness activities on the very first day must have been too much for Victoria. I was assessing Victoria by my standards. Just because she was my sister, I had turned blind to her problems and had not even tried to talk about them with Victoria.
So, on returning home I apologized to Victoria for my aggressiveness. The next day onwards, I redesigned a fitness regimen after taking Victoria into confidence. Since that day, Victoria not only started to look forward to our workouts, but also lost considerable weight over the next few months. This reminds me of a quote from To Kill a Mockingbird that “ You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view_ (Lee, 1988, p. 33).”
Since that day I made it a point to be more focused and attentive while communicating with my loved ones. Surprisingly, this has improved the quality of my relationships with my loved ones. I do take pains to convey to them that I truly care about them and that I do cherish their presence. In case any such misunderstandings crop up, I take my time to clarify such confusions, by taking their point of view into consideration.
Today I well understand the fact that no matter how close I am to a person, relationships are something that constantly needs to be worked on, and this requires ample serious and focused communication, with lots of respect and consideration for the other person’s views.
References
Close Relationships Sometimes Mask Poor Communication. (January 24, 2011). US News.
Retrieved June 25, 2012 from the US News web site: http://health. usnews. com/health-news/family-health/brain-and-behavior/articles/2011/01/24/close-relationships-sometimes-mask-poor-communication
Lee, Harper. (1988). To Kill a Mockingbird. New York: Grand Central Publishing.