Why you're not in the mood

Why You’re Not In The Mood When it’s good, it’s good, but when you’re not in the mood, sex has the potential to feel like a chore. If you’ve been feeling less than enthused about sex lately, you’re likely not alone — most couples fall into a bedroom-based rut at some point. 39 percent of men surveyed in the 2011 edition of the AskMen Great Male Survey indicated that there’s room for improvement in their sex lives. With that in mind, we pulled together a list of the top four issues likely to derail your sex drive. No time Not feeling like you have enough time for sex is a huge factor in whether or not you and your guy will be doing anything but sleeping in the bedroom. There are work emails to respond to, phone calls to make, dinner to cook, laundry to put away — you get the idea. Real life can easily overtake the romance, subtly shifting sex right off of the list of potential things to do. The to-do list becomes more important than intimacy and crossing items off that to-do list is the only thing you’re thinking about. We get it; there are barely enough hours in the day to eat three full meals let alone seduce your partner, making the time factor a huge reason why you might opt out of sex. How to deal: There are a few options and it’s a good idea to give all of them a try. The first is to embrace the quickie. This can be a fun way to make sure you don’t fall into a rut and end up not having sex for weeks on end. The second is to schedule sex. It sounds unromantic, but it works and hey, if it’s on your to-do list, you’re going to want to get it done! Feeling stressed Stress can wreak havoc on a couple’s sex life. It’s really hard to get in the mood when you’re dealing with deadlines, problems at work, family drama or anything else that sends your anxiety levels skyrocketing. If you’re stressed out, more often than not the last thing on your mind is sex — which is totally understandable but can still cause a lot of relationship friction. How to deal: Of course you’re not going to want to jump into bed with your guy immediately after walking in the door after a day that left you tense and frustrated. So rather than just say you’re not in the mood and walk the other way, give yourself a chance to unwind. Make it known to your guy that you need some time to relax before anything else happens. Take a bath, go for a run or just sit quietly with a glass of wine until you feel calmer. Lingering arguments If you’re still thinking about an unresolved fight you had with your partner the night before, sex may be the last thing on your mind the next time you see him. If all you’re thinking about is how he didn’t apologize the night before or that he remains unwilling to compromise on whatever issue had you arguing earlier, it isn’t likely you’ll be feeling very amorous. How to deal: Avoid allowing your feelings to fester. You’ll want to get to the bottom of whatever has you (or him) on edge as soon as possible so you can move forward and get back to a positive (and ideally sexy) place in your relationship. Being too tired Long days at work can mean the only thing you want to do when you get home is hang out on the couch, meaning sex isn’t an option — something your partner realizes as soon as you turn the TV on or get immersed in your iPad. Being tired wipes out your energy for everything — from seeing friends to hitting the gym. It makes sense that you might not want to get frisky when you’re feeling fatigued, and you’re likely not alone in that sentiment.